How to Have the Best Holidays Ever

This was my problem with the holidays:

I kept saying yes to things I didn’t want to do because:

It seemed like the “right” thing to do,
People could be disappointed or angry if I didn’t do what they asked,
I should be kind and sympathetic to people (even if that meant being unkind and disrespectful to myself)
I should think of others before I think of myself.

And that was supposed to make me feel great because I was this perfect and good person who always thinks about other people first. The problem is… there aren’t perfect, always good persons, for obvious reasons ;)

This is called lack of boundaries, the inability to say NO.

And this only leads to one thing: you feeling completely depleted, tired, overwhelmed, desperate, angry, resentful, and so on.

Once upon a time I was this YES woman who always said yes first and thought about it later…

It always seemed like the correct thing to do and I didn’t even check my calendar. Sometimes I tried to think about it for a while (can I really do it?), but my answer was: “I probably can but if I can’t I’ll call you later”.

So I started feeling “abused” because of this. But the truth is I was the one abusing myself. If you know someone who will always say yes, who will you turn to when you need some help or something done? Yeah, you guessed it :)

Now I’m not the YES woman anymore, and I’m getting better and better at being the NO woman :)

That’s the woman who, when she’s not sure, first says NO, or says “I need to check my calendar and I’ll get back to you”. And after checking her calendar to see if she can do it, she only does it if it feels aligned and it’s something that she’ll actually enjoy doing.

And you know what?

As I discover more about myself, figure out what I really want and don’t want to do, and give myself permission to do just that, I feel better and better.

I’m honouring myself, my time, my wants and desires.

And that’s how I learned to have great holidays and days!

By first checking in with myself, and then doing what feels right and aligned with my needs, desires and who I am and want to be.

If it sounds easy, it isn’t ;). It’s hard at first, but as you keep practicing, it will be easier and easier and you’ll feel great about saying no and knowing that other people will feel ok about saying no to you too, without fearing that you’ll be angry or disappointed at them.

I know I still have a long way to go, but now I’m never going back to being a YES woman :)

Try it out and I bet you’re going to have the Best Holidays Ever!

Remember: Start by saying NO (or “I need to check if I can do it”) and then, after thinking about it, say YES just to whatever you REALLY feel like doing. Initially people may think it’s strange, because they’re used to another response from you, but the ones who really matter will accept and respect you more!

In the comments below tell me: are you a YES woman? What are you going to do about it? if you’re already a NO woman, what works for you? I’d love to know!

xoxox,

Lena*

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