Today I wanted to talk to you about being happy and calm.

Yesterday was mother’s day here in Portugal, and I was anything but happy and calm lol.

In the morning I had a tooth abscess and I couldn’t stop feeling like a victim. And I kept thinking that there’s always something spoiling special days.

Has this ever happened to you?

To me, it did. So much so that I thought, and even said to Miguel: “I don’t want any more special days, something horrible always happens on special days” (my ego was in full negative mode ;))

Today I thought that maybe this has to do with my 21st birthday. That day I had a panic attack, which never had happened before. That was a day that was marked in my memory and maybe one reason to relate special days with danger. With terrible things that can happen …

I now know that a panic attack is nothing horrible. I know it’s quite common. But at the time I was really scared. I just knew that I was feeling super strange, that it felt like I was going to drop to the floor right there. And I didn’t know what to do.

But I’m digressing… Was that the day when this pattern of “horrible things” on special days started? Of special days being unhappy or unwell days?

This morning I wrote this phrase several times, in my journal:

My natural state is happiness and calm. Because that’s what I want to lean into. To feel good and calm, every day.

Perhaps that day when I turned 21 was the beginning of this belief. Or maybe it was just another example to confirm what I already believed before. Something like: special days end badly.

But now I want to change this pattern. I want to understand how to stop repeating this in my life.

I already know one thing: we find what we look for. There’s a part of our brain, called RAS, that is always looking for what we focus on, or what we believe.

Of course that, if I believe that something is going to go wrong on speci

al dates, even if it’s subconsciously, my brain will give me more proof of that. And it will ignore everything that goes well.

For example for yesterday, I can ask:

What went really well?

And I’m going to get answers!

We had a calm day, I spent time with my children who were very dear to me. I received hugs and love from everyone. We are all at home and healthy (apart from my abscess;)).

We ate well, rested. I washed the bathrooms that were shining (lately washing the bathrooms is something that makes me very happy ahahah).

Rodrigo made me a gift that will help me in my business. I wore a new dress. We went for a quick car ride.

I noticed a pattern in my life that I now get to change ;)

Anyway, many things. But so far I was focused only on the one thing that went wrong.

On the other hand, we also create what we’re expecting. And if I’m expecting something wrong to happen on good days (even if it’s unconscious), that’s what I’m going to get.

We are creating our lives, so it’s important to understand what we’re asking for, consciously and unconsciously.

Now that I have realized that I’m asking for things to go wrong on special days, it may be good to ask why.

Why is it good for me that things go wrong on special days? How does that keep me safer? What was the problem with everything going well?

There is a conflict inside, when we want one thing and create another. And that’s because we are afraid of creating what we want. There’s a disadvantage and we can figure out what that is.

I think I’ll do journaling with this later;)

And you can also do it, with something that is taking you out of your state of happiness and calm.

Ask yourself: Why is <….> good for me? How does it keep me safe?

Love,
Lena*

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